Today my oldest son turned seven years old. Already I am wishing for a way to travel back in time and be able to hold him as a baby again. I try to remember the past seven years day for day.......yeah, we all know how that goes. Very frustrating. It's apparent that I don't do well with time moving on, and frankly I don't know how to deal with it. I don't want to miss anything, and I want to be the best father that ever raised a child. Again.....very frustrating.He will always be my baby no matter how big he gets. I know that is very cliche, but oh well. He is turning into your typical little boy that gets into trouble, rough houses, likes to play army, and loves his mom and dad. He also loves his little brother very much, which pleases me to no end. I hope that it stays that way. I get angry with him from time to time. I think it's because I want him to be so perfect. I need to remember that HE'S SEVEN!!! Cut him some slack. Christ!, he's seven. Let him be a little boy. He's really good at that. He is very well adjusted for being moved around so much. He makes friends where ever he goes, and everybody likes him. He has gotten the best traits my wife and I have to offer. He is super smart (Thank you Mindie), funny (Mindie again), handsome (once again....Mindie).......o.k. so like I was saying he got the best traits the wife had to offer, but he's still part mine, and I love him.

After typing this I have realized that my son as a whole can not be put into words. He is best experienced. Complicated like a finely tuned sports car, delicate like porcelain, tough like iron. He is my flesh and blood....my son....and I love him more than anything in this world.

Been a little bit.

It's been quite a while since I've had a newborn LIVE at my house. Oh sure, there have been the few that stop by now and then, but not to live here. It's been a little bit of an eye opener. It has been 6 1/2 years since Josh was a baby, and while it's kind of like riding a bike....I think I had a lot more energy the last time. I also wasn't working graveyards either. That shift has made it a little easier on mama though. No "night time" duty for her. If you don't count the waking up to feed him "straight from the tap". I handle all the diaper changes, little fits that he throws, and so on. I am starting to think that HE thinks that he has a 24 hour a day nanny service that caters to his every whim. hehehe. I don't mind though. Being up all night leaves time for blogging, reading, dreaming, planning, etc.

I was very lucky to be able to take a couple of weeks off of work when he was born also. It lets the family kind of start to get into a rhythm. It also gives time to show Joshua that just because there is someone new here, it doesn't mean he is now second best. He will always be my number 1. I was able to take him hunting the other day. He has been wanting to go for so long, and I have always been working. We are going fishing for the first time this season on Friday morning too. Wish us luck. I'm scared to see what CA fishing licenses are this year. Stay tuned for a fishing update from Walker Lake in northern California.

It's about time.

This is the first posting I've done on my blackberry, but since I'm sitting in a hospital room with my wife & 2 sons (one of them extremely brand new, by the way.) I figured that I finally had something joyus (sp?)to write about, and about 5 hours of semi down time, I might as well take advantage. Our son came into the world at 9:26 on 4/8/09. Welcome my son. You will surely do great things, and I love you forever.


Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in the battle, be our safeguard and protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil; may God rebuke him, we humbly pray; and do thou, O Prince of the heavenly host, by the power of God, thrust into hell Satan and all evil spirits who wander through the world seeking the ruin of souls.

Amen.

Comfort

I can't tell you the comfort that comes from knowing that you have friends that care, remember you and special things, and are overall good people.


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Saint Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle. Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray; and do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host -by the Divine Power of God -cast into hell, satan and all the evil spirits,who roam throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls.

Amen.

I know that nobody will probably ever read these but me, but like I have said in other posts, it helps me vent a little.

I have been working graveyards for a couple of weeks now, and I'll admit that it's nice to P.C. up for awhile, but it's taking my lack of self-fulfillment to another level. There is something inside of me that keeps saying that I was meant for something bigger. A little big headed I know. I just feel that I'm spinning my wheels accounting for grown men that should be able to do it for themselves. Oh well, the retirement's good. Only 18 years to go.

Another senseless act of selfishness.

My heart goes out to the families of the 3 fallen Pitt, PA officers killed in the line of duty on Saturday 4/4/09. All because some jackass decided to get mad and take it out on the people that are only there to help. His reasoning? He thought that President Obama is going to take our guns from us. You know President Obama should take guns from idiots like him. I thoroughly believe that Americans should have the privilege to keep and bear arms, kind of like driving. You can have that privilege revoked by being an irresponsible driver. You can also have the privilege to vote and own a firearm revoked by being convicted of a felony. I don't know, maybe there should be more strict guidelines for owning a firearm. A psych test or something. I support the NRA for certain reasons. Not to protect EVERY AMERICANS right to own a gun. I say every american because of folks like Mr. Poplawski. It's guys like him that give guys like my dad (non law enforcement) a bad name. He owns a gun to protect him and my mother, has a level head, and a strong respect for guns. I hope that Mr. Poplawski gets the most severe punishment that PA allows. I think that he should have to face the families of the fallen officers and try to explain himself while looking them in the eye.(though I wouldn't wish that upon the families.) He had the courage to pull the trigger, but I can almost guarentee that he's to much of a candy A$$ to man up with out a gun in his hand. He's a COWARD just like Monster Mixon.



Saint Michael the Archangel,

defend us in the battle,
be our safeguard and protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil;
may God rebuke him, we humbly pray; and do thou,
O Prince of the heavenly host, by the power of God,
thrust into hell Satan and all evil spirits who wander through the world seeking the ruin of souls.

Amen.

Healthy

My last three or so blogs have been a way for me to vent, and I've noticed that I feel a lot better after having done so. My wife doesn't really like or need to hear about everything that goes on at work or in the law enforcement community. Blogging gives me an out (that every LEO needs) so she doesn't have to put up with it. I don't think that I will "get over" the incident in Oakland, but being able to express my feelings has helped me to cope with it. I wasn't able to attend the funeral due to the possiblity of my wife going into labor at any time, but I was fortunate enough to be able to view it on T.V. It was very emotional just watching it on T.V., and I can only imagine what it was like to be there in person. I was able to pay my respects to the officers in my own way, and I know that there are four more angels in heaven looking down and still doing what they love, protecting us.

It seems that the only things that I have been able to write about lately have been painful things. Here is another one. :( I was notified today that a good friend of mine had committed suicide. Probably the last guy I would have thought of to do such a thing, but after reflecting, I can see how it might have come to be. He was a mortician/ funeral director/ embalmer. There is no way to imagine the unthinkable things he must have seen in his 15 years in the profession. It must have just gotten to him to the point he couldn't take it any more. I know that he had taken a "leave" from the funeral home for a while about 5 years ago. He went back though and I thought everything was o.k. I guess not. He was the type of guy that would give you the shirt off of his back. Always had a smile on his face, and a kind word to say. Nobody knew that he was suffering inside. There are a few professions that require people to face things on a daily basis that most people wouldn't think of doing. His was one of them. It is very easy to get caught up in your job to the point that it becomes who you are and not what you do. When someone asks me what I do for a living, I say I work as a guard. Not I'm a Correctional Officer. I'm a father and husband before anything else. When I leave the prison, I try to leave work at work. I have to maintain a level of alertness at all times due to the nature of my job, but when I'm at HOME, I try to make work the furthest thing from mind. It's tough to do. Especially when you are working on an investigation or something of that nature. With that said, Clark, I will miss you, and I'm sorry for the pain that you must have been feeling to drive you to your decision.


Saint Michael the Archangel,

Defend us in battle. Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray;and do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host -by the Divine Power of God -cast into hell, satan and all the evil spirits,who roam throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls.

Amen.

R.I.P.

To the four fallen officers of Oakland P.D.,

Rest In Peace

Your service to the public will never be forgotten. Giving the ultimate sacrifice so that we may be safe, is a gift that is priceless. For that I am forever in your debt.


Saint Michael, Archangel, defend us in battle. Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And you, Prince of the heavenly host, by the power of God, thrust into Hell Satan and the other evil spirits who prowl the world for the ruin of souls. Amen.

Well, now that I work overnight, on my "days" off I have really have nothing to do except try to stay awake so when I go back to work I'm not a complete waste. I will have to say that just sitting here gives one idle time, and idle time is not always a good thing. I started surfing around trying to make some sense of the goings on in the bay area. Not a good idea. I just got more and more frustrated with the "poor victims" of this whole situation. Jeering the gathering that came together to honor the murdered officers from across the street?!?! My faith in working things out and not having this whole ordeal explode in the faces of the people of California dwindling fast. In law enforcement you are always expected to maintain a higher standard. To maintain courageous calm in the face of danger, and to carry yourself with the utmost integrity. But, I guess that's why those of us in Law Enforcement are in the positions we are in. We can do those things every day. EVERY DAY!! Not only when we want to, or when we think we can win, or to show off for somebody. We took an oath to do those things. I have come in contact with people that when they are in front of their homies they act all tough, but when you catch them doing something wrong, and they are by themselves, they trip all over themselves apologizing or try to get away as fast as they can instead of taking some responsibility for their actions and holding themselves accountable. The "clients" I work with on a daily basis, a lot of them took oaths too. They took oaths "for the cause". To only marry within their race or hate this person because they aren't from the same part of the state as they are. I can say one thing for those people. Cowards. All of them. They took something from somebody else. That's why they are where they are. They either took property, a life, a will to live......they took something and they should be held accountable for it. I am waiting for Monster Mixon's sister to be brought up on charges for aiding and abetting. She knew that he had been staying at her house for ten days prior to the incident. Wow Monster Mixon's sister, how many lives might you have saved if only.....oh that's right.....I forget.

A few days later

I'm still disgusted at the events in Oakland, and am kinda starting to see a problem develop. I have been reading the responses to some of the newspaper articles in the SF Gate, Sacramento Bee, etc., and from what I can tell, people might be thinking about a little vigilante justice. People are really mad. I just hope that things don't explode and become beyond repair. The thugs that perform these acts of violence honestly believe that they have something coming other than working for a living. Slingin' dope, robbing, burglarizing, and everything esle do not a productive citizen make. It breeds more violence. I'm sad.

Really?

I am immensely disturbed at the slayings of three Oakland, CA police officers on Saturday March 21, 2009 by a parolee from the CA prison system. Both fortunately, and unfortunately the suspect was shot and killed by a SWAT team. Fortunately because the state doesn't have to pay to "rehabilitate" this ass and/or pay to keep him on death row so he can appeal the decision to take his life like he so flagrantly took the lifes of others. Unfortunately because, well I can't really express how I really feel and still feel like I do my job the way I should every day. Trust me, there are a lot of words that come to mind that describe this jerk. Selfish is probably the best I can think of right now. Trying to do anything he could to avoid going back to prison where he belongs, and where he should never have been realeased from. I deal with people like this MURDERER on a daily basis in a fair, and professional manner at all times, although I don't know for how much longer.